The Sandwich Generation

I'm going to start by letting y'all know that for anyone who doesn't want to wait - Sweet Redemption is available from my website store - for everyone who prefers to wait, you can preorder anywhere you like! 

Now - my next rambling is the sandwich generation.  If you're as old as me, you know exactly what i'm talking about. 

Thankfully, I do not have any children who are dependent upon me. Both of my adult kids are pretty good at adulting on their own. Granted, we all have our strengths and our weaknesses and we need to help each other out, sometimes through no fault of our own. My son's recent job change means doing outside sales calls verses, telephone calls, which means, he's out of the house regularly for 10 to 12 or more hours a day - which means - our grandpup Loki is now a permanent houseguest.  We have a dog door so he can come and go on his own as needed. My son lives in a condo and there's no way to expect the dog to hold his bladder that long so - we help out. 

Where I feel sandwiched is more by choice.  I love having grandkids and want to spend time with them to build bonds and memories. I have wonderful memories of my grandparents from when I was a little girl and would love the same for my grands. But there's also the help factor  like recently while my daughter was at the hospital all day for nothing serious with her hubby, Pawpaw and I stepped in to care for the kids for the day.  And we like being able to do that. I'm very thankful to have them living close again. But - it's a tug to live up to our own responsibilities and be there for your offspring and their kids - and then an elderly parent. 

Elderly parents.  Oh boy. Many of you know my mother was diagnosed with mild dementia most likely due to alzheimers about eight years ago.  Then about three years later she was moved into the moderate dementia stage. Let me tell you, that in between stage where they think they can do it all, don't believe they have a problem, but you're trying to get their checkbook, credit cards, and car keys away from them is not easy. But - when it's finally done, there's a relief that she's safe and the hard part is over. Yeah- no. IT's just beginning. 

We've done all we could to keep Mom in her own home-- even though we had to move that home to one closer to us four years ago.  For a few years a cousin of mine and her husband lived with mom to keep an eye on her until they bought their own home last year. Then her brother who moved back to Texas from California - her younger brother - moved in with her.  That was interesting. he's a healthfood nut and he put mom on a strict and challenging (for us) regimen.  After almost a year he had her more alert, more active, and off all meds.  Odd - but it's working.  

Mom had high blood pressure - she was on two meds a day because with an aortic aneurism that she's had for decades that we know of, high BP is more dangerous than usual.  Well, with a dose of beet root powder every day- her BP is normal to the low side without meds. Great. With no sugar and no wheat carbs, she doesn't sleep as much and tracks conversations better and has more energy and is more alert - Unfortunately, she still has dementia so she repeats herself and forgets the simplest of things like - my three year old granddaughter's name, or that my daughter is pregnant--every time she sees my daughter, mom is surprised that she's pregnant again. Little things like that. 

Now, even though her brother is younger, he's not a spring chicken and the day to day stress of worrying about my mother wasn't good for his health, so he's moving out. Mind you - for being 90 years old - mom's in pretty darn good shape! She walks on her own steam- uses a cane for balance but it's really a security crutch. If she forgets to grab it she'll walk across the house and back without issue. She can dress herself no issue, she just might forget to change into her pajamas at night or that she wore the shirt on the chair yesterday.  Bottom line, she can't be left alone, and living with us (a two story house) isn't optimal. Too many rooms, too much stuff, too many levels (stairs), and too many doors (there are four ways in and out of my house).  There's also the challenge of she has a sweet tooth and literaly forages for sweets whenever you're not looking. She could sit and eat an entire pie, forgetting she's already had a slice. 

I'm an only child, so it's all on me - and I'll be honest - we're scrambling at a few days to brother moves out day. I have a full time stress headache right now and have no idea how I'm going to finish Sweet Rescue on time - but I'm going to push as I never want to disappoint my readers.  My daughter is a great help, but as any mother knows, we don't want to put stress and pressure on our pregnant daughters, so we'll see how that goes! 

For now we are exploring all options to keep Mom in her house in her familiar routine, because learning new routines and new places is HARD - when mom first moved to the house near us four years ago, we had to put framed signs on all the doors so she'd know what was what.  Guest room - Cousins room - Hall Bath - water heater - a/c unit - linen closet - mom's room.  Yeah, it didn't help that one short hallway had SO many doors!  The first couple of days mom opened every door several times a day wondering what was where - then we got the signs and she spent a lot of time reading them, occasionally opening one or two - and finally, she got used to it and the signs came down and the doors stopped being opened.  We don't want to put her through that again. Not at ninety. 

We're looking at options for more people to take her out to do things during the day, or options for places and things to do.  Like me, my mother is an extrovert. Nothing makes her happier than being around people. I just wish elder care was easier and more affordable - another reason why I have to keep up with book production because senior care isn't a bargain.  We already pay out of pocket for her weekly cognitive therapist and weekly personal trainer who even though mom won't exercise ( I admit it might be genetic as I'm allergic to exercise too lol) at least mom gets out of the house with the woman who tries to 'trick' mom into exercising by going up and down aisles in stores, or up and down curbs, or as many steps as they can find on an outing! The biggest problem is the rest of the time. There needs to be someone around 24/7 in case she falls, or struggles with who knows what, or grows more forgetful about something dangerous, like hot water.  We're looking at all options. Including temporary ones. 

For all you folks who believe in prayer, feel free to add mom and me to the list - finding a good fit for mom is not going to be easy.  I should probably add, my own heart condition makes my having too much responsibility for mom hard on me as well so more reason to find a good fit sooner than later! 

All of this makes me think more on what do I need to do to spare my daughter these issues when I'm an old fuddy duddy!  I don't have any answers, but I sure hope someone figures out how to cure dementia sooner than later! 

Okay- that's it for me for the day! 

​Y'all take care and I'll see you next week!